I am going to share a very important part of my life with you all today. In honor of pride month, and the anniversary of two of the most important people in my life.
They may not be my biological moms. (And I do love my Bio mom And dad and my Step Parents with my whole heart.) and may have met me later in my teens. But they have taught me, strength, compassion, and about what love and family really is.
They are my best friends, the people I go to when I feel lost. Not only did I give them the opportunity to be a mother, but they gave me the possibility to be apart of a stable loving family, which is not what I had growing up, to which I will refrain from discussing.
Meet Mama Tam and Mama Kathy
Enjoy the read.❤️
How did you meet?
Mama Tam is in glasses. Mama Kathy is not.
K: At work, we were being introduced by our boss. It was my interview day and he showed me around. Even I came to her, we shook hands and locked eyes. We got that butter fly feeling, well I did.
K: Well we both did.
How long have you been together?
K: Seven years as of yesterday.
How did grandma and grandpa react when you came out?
Pop and grandma
K: My dad never said anything to me. My mom said she would love me no matter what. She didn’t agree with the sex, because she is Catholic.
When dad asks me now “why don’t you have a boyfriend?” Mom and I look and each other like 😝 (Grandpa has Alzheimers)
M: I couldn’t tell my mom, because she was in heaven. I had already told Shaun (My cousin) and told grandpa with him. To be perfectly honest he said, whatever makes you happy.
K: I think my mom knew
T: I think grandpa knew a little.
What was your first date together?
T: Rams football- no it wasn’t! It was a subway, where you gave me this ring.
K: No, it was a Chinese restaurant.
T: Yeah, we worked at different agencies at the time.
Mama Tam, when did you know you were a Lesbian?
T: I had experiences before with women, but had only been in relationships with men. That’s a good question. I mean falling in love with a woman, a light bulb didn’t go off. The more time spent with her the more I fall in love with her. I’m dead serious, I cannot picture my future with out her period. Ever. I was 18-19 when I realized I was sexually attracted to women. Women are so much more deeply beautiful than any man will ever be to me.
When did you fall in love with Mama K?
I was amazed by her kindness and caring and perfection.
K: My award winning personality.
T: Yes. That. She is stronger and brave and encouraging. She is how I got away from my ex husband
Mama K when did you realize you are a Lesbian?
K: I was young, I had experiences in high school. However, I figured I was during high school, but being catholic I still dated guys. Until I was around 30, that is when I started dating women.
When did you fall in love with Mama T?
k: A look and a handshake. Honest to god, I shook from head to toe. I had her hand in my hand and looked in those blue eyes. That was March 2012. June 22 we had our first altoid kiss. Because I dared her to take it off my tongue.
T: I did it.
K: Needless to say I shook all the way home.
What was it like parenting my from the time I was 16?
T: Hell, absolute hell in a hand basket.
K: Since I was unable to have children. You have been such a blessing to me.
T: As to I, serious.
K: and I would do absolutely anything for you.
What are some notable challenges you have faced as a lesbian couple, living in a conservative area in Missouri?
T: Maybe my Uncle being up approving.
K: That is the religious aspect as well.
T: Well, the Rams football game on my birthday. When the game was over we were going to walk on the river front. When we started on the walk we were holding hands. There were two guys walking behind us.
K: Well it wasn’t lighted well and you never know how people will react.
T: We have never been shown offends and no one has been rude. If a strange said something, I feel what I feel in my heart. I am not allowing someone to hurt my love when I not hurting them.
T: Did it happen to you before when you met me?
K: in Louisiana they were more conservative, but everyone knew. All of the friends I met were cool with me. My GF and I would not walk around and hold hands unless we were going to the gay bar at home.
How did Aunt Stacy react to your relationship with Mama K?
T: She knew, we all three worked at an office together. She knew before I told her.
What is your advice for someone coming out later in life?
T: Just do it. No one else should pressure you, threaten you or give you an ultimatum. Just come out when you are ready. Honesty
K: Honesty, sit down with your parents. Don’t wait for your mom to ask me like I did. If I could do it over, I would have came out to my mom a lot sooner.
Random Mom Tam:
T: And even with out Kathy ever being able to meet my mother in the flesh Kathy has a bond with her. And how I know this is, when she looks me straight in the eye and cups my face and goes down my face with her fingers. Just like my mom used to.
K: I didn’t know she did that. She told me one day after I had made it a habit that her mom used to do it.
What advise do you have for gay couples or any couple thinking of adopting an older child?
K: Patience, be open. Try to be their friend, but yet still parent them. Give them advice in not such and abrupt way. Talk with them don’t yell at them, listen. Do it in a way to get them to open up to you and talk about it.
T: You have to have that relationship from day one, so they know they can come to you and trust you to be their parent.
What is your favorite memory together?
T: Laughs. For me it’s the altoid moment. It was such a spontaneous thing that I never would have done. I felt like a young pre-teen of something! I feel as though I am a shy person until I get to know someone.
K: it was a bold move.
T: it was like an adult dare but then it was funny. I’m all the times we waited until everyone was gone, or we sneaked a quick kiss when no one was looking. We have so many awesome memories.
K: An altoid sealed our fate.
T: Seeing her hold a baby for the first time. That got to me.
K: that was funny, we both had who we were with at the time with us.
T: Mine knew I was attracted to her R didn’t!
K: R bought a T shirt that I wore to our football date!
When did I first really feel like your daughter?
T: When you got pregnant. (I had a son young, he was given for adoption to family friends who thought they couldn’t have kids.
K: When you started opening up to me about things. I hope you know you can talk to me about anything. I would never judge you ever, because I have been judged.
T: I think after Parker was born, I do believe that I backed off some. But I came back, and have never seconded guesses how much you fill my heart with joy,
K: And how much your smile brightens my day.
T: I swear you are the only person who can text me and I can understand your excitement. I think that is a special thing.
Me: I knew when I would feel home sick when I wasn’t with you guys. And when I was pregnant with Parker and only wanted to be around you guys. And then how much I missed you guys when you weren’t talking to me. ( They didn’t not agree with my choice for adoption at first.)
T: The first time I met her I thought she was a porcelain princess with her head in the clouds.
K: Well. Unfortunately it was with M. I couldn’t figure out why you were with him. You were just gorgeous and shy. Until you had a few beers in ya. I thought once I finally started talking to you, how smart and educated you were. I knew down the road that you had bigger better dreams than he would have. And I knew you would go for it. There was no doubt in my mind, you were going to do good with or with out him. You have already proved that, you are running a company. (I manage a travel agency)So, my impression was right!
You are a brave girl and I think you show it every day with a battle you win. And you will win every battle because you have us two in you.
Now they ask me questions.
T: Well what did you think of me when you first met me?
The guy in this is my Boyfriend, Coty.
Me: When I first met you you were with that jerk and panicking.
T: At Kenny and Stacy’s?
Me: Yea, I just really wanted to help you some how.
Me: The more I got to know you, we are super similar and it first it just helped me to have someone who understood what I had gone through and was going through.
K: What about good ol me?
Me: You just seemed so calm and cool with everything! You just always looked like nothing phased you!
K: I found out the hard way getting mad isn’t worth it.
Me: Well good because you really provided the stability I never had in a parent.
T: Was there a moment or did things add up to make you feel that we ARE your mommies?
Me: I felt homesick when I wasn’t with you guys and I still do. You have supported me in every decision I have made, and never tried to rub it in my face when I was wrong.
T: When did you form an opinion on the LGBTQ community?
K: Was it prior to meeting us? Have you always felt the same way.
Me: Having a gay cousin I knew what it was. I always thought just so what makes you happy. Doesn’t affect me, why should I care who you want to be with.
K: What is it like having moms? How do people react?
Me: I have never felt weird about it. But people ask a lot of questions. They aren’t offensive. It’s just so normal to be that I don’t get why it would be questioned? They always ask who the dad is.
T: We base it off who wears cologne that day.
Any parting words for my readers?
T: Pitter patter lets get at ‘er.
K: Stay true to yourself.
T: Ditto, #freeyourmind # pitterpatterletsgetater can you do hashtags?
We may not have come together like a traditional family, but we are family.
Thank you so much for reading guys 👩👩👧
Find me on IG @_notan_alien